How to Zombie-Proof Your House

Posted by Devon Shryock

Because an ounce of prevention now, may be worth a pound of flesh later…

(This zombie is brought to you by Dorito’s Superbowl commercial)

At S.E.A. Construction, we recognize this may be an area of concern for some homeowners. In these uncertain times home security is a concern for all. Peace of mind for you may mean disaster preparedness, defense against looting or vandalism. It may be defensive personal safety for your family against a zombie apocalypse, an intergalactic alien invasion, a mafia retaliation, or just a run-of-the-mill evening news home invasion. Whatever the reason, we’ve got you covered. With this comprehensive list of “safe house” renovations to assist in keeping you, your loved ones, your home and valuables secure, you’ll be able to zombie-proof your house in no time.

While we just don’t know when a zombie apocalypse will occur, statistics tell us that break-in robberies peak in the summer months when people are vacationing and in December when people travel for the holidays. Remember “Home Alone”? Eight year old Kevin McCallister (MaCaulay Culkin) had to resort to some creative offensive tactics to defend his home, but sound defensive strategies should prevent zombies and other ne’er do wells from penetrating your residence.

A Note About Alarms:

Alarms are good for notifying police and neighbors that intruders have entered your home, but since most of them are zombies already, that probably won’t do you much good. Your best bet is to zombie-proof your house, preventing entry in the first place, with this three step defensive strategy:

Early Detection - Monitor and surveill your property from the security of your home, office, or anywhere else, on a wireless device such as your smartphone, tablet, or computer. Strategically placed surveillance cameras allow you to view and record all activities outside your home at any time, night or day. They can be in high definition and full color with cameras that automatically switch to infrared night vision with a daylight sensor. Imagine casually watching zombies in high definition, on your flat screen T.V. while you sit on your sofa with your family, laughing at their attempts to enter your home as you flick from one camera angle to another with the touch of a button on your remote. You’re a Zombie Apocalypse Baller.

Perimeter Security - High visibility is key in early detection and homes with good perimeter lighting and lots of open space provide little hiding space for a surprise zombie attack. Make sure your home and garden have as little shadows as possible, because trust me, you don’t want to invite any zombies to lurk there. Whether they casually lumber onto your lawn, in their slow deteriorating way, or run up on your house fast and blood thirsty, like in 28 Daysand 28 Days Later, you want to see who’s coming up to your front door! 

Reinforce Points of Entry - Points of entry are the weakest areas of home’s structure. Two strong kicks to a doorknob provides enough force for a deadbolt to break through a wooden door jamb, and that is all it takes for you and your loved ones to become a zombie buffet. Kick proof your doors by installing a steel reinforced jamb, or applying EZ Armor from Armor Concepts to your existing jamb. 

Windows are also a weak point especially since due to egress laws and fire safety window grilles have been outmoded. A baseball bat makes an instant zombie portal into your home out of your  “Low E” windows. How do you protect your  investment in those energy efficient, environmentally friendly, low emissivity windows? Make them bulletproof! Several window films are available on the market today to make your windows ballistics, bomb blast, and hurricane resistant. We like A.C.E. Security Laminates. Zombies may hit, kick and bump against your windows for days without so much as scratching your windows before moving on to someone else’s house.

These tips are just the start. If you want help with a home security plan that works for you, talk to our building designer. We're here to help you every step of the way. We at S.E.A. Construction can put together a custom plan that is just right for your home and assistyou with the installation of your perfect Zombie Apocalypse Home Protection Plan.

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